The Space Between “I Can’t” and “I Can”

There is a lot of life happening all around us.

There are things to do, places to be, people who need us, bills to pay, meals to make, work to finish, messages to answer, decisions to make, and a seemingly endless list of things waiting for our attention.

And somewhere in the middle of all of it, it becomes very easy to lose ourselves.

Not because we don't care about our dreams.

Not because we don't have desires.

Not because we aren't capable.

But because we are busy.

We get so caught up in managing the life in front of us that we stop looking beyond it.

And slowly, almost without realizing it, our language begins to change.

I can't.

I don't have time.

It's not possible right now.

Maybe someday.

I wouldn't even know where to start.

We say these things so often that eventually they stop sounding like questions and start sounding like facts.

But what if we paused before accepting them?

What if, instead of immediately believing I can't, we simply asked:

Is that really true?

And then:

What can I do?

Not what should I do.

Not what would be ideal.

Not what would someone else expect of me.

Just...

What can I do from where I am, with what I have, right now?

The power of a pause

I talk a lot with my clients about finding pause.

Not because I think we need one more thing to add to our already overflowing lives.

Quite the opposite.

I think sometimes we need to stop adding and start noticing.

When we are constantly moving from one task to the next, our brains become very good at seeing what needs to be done.

But we can become surprisingly bad at seeing what is possible.

Pause gives us the opportunity to notice.

To notice what is happening inside of us.

To notice what is happening around us.

To notice the things that are going well.

To notice the opportunities we might otherwise walk right past.

To notice the desires we have pushed aside because they didn't seem practical.

To notice the places where we have already grown.

And sometimes, perhaps most importantly, to notice how often we tell ourselves we can't before we've even given ourselves the chance to ask what if we could?

We don't always need a new life

I think there is a lot of pressure today to completely reinvent ourselves.

Become healthier.

Become more productive.

Find your purpose.

Start the business.

Change your career.

Build the dream life.

Become the best version of yourself.

There is nothing wrong with growth. I believe deeply in growth.

But I don't believe that growth always requires us to blow up the life we already have.

Sometimes the next step is much smaller.

Maybe you want to write a book.

You may not have time to write a book today.

But could you write one page?

Maybe you want to become healthier.

You may not be able to completely change your lifestyle overnight.

But could you take a walk?

Maybe you've been dreaming about learning something new.

You may not be able to enroll in a full program right now.

But could you spend twenty minutes learning about it?

Maybe you want to reconnect with yourself.

You may not be able to disappear for a week and find yourself on a mountaintop.

But could you sit quietly for ten minutes?

Maybe you know there is something you want to do, but you have spent so much time convincing yourself that you can't that you haven't stopped to consider what could be possible.

And maybe that's where the shift begins.

Not with a massive transformation.

With a pause.

Notice the can

This is something I want to encourage more women to practice:

Notice the can.

When your mind immediately says, I can't, pause.

Look again.

What is the smallest version of this that you can do?

What part of the desire is possible?

What opportunity is sitting somewhere inside the limitation?

What is already working?

What resources do you already have?

What could you change?

What could you ask for?

What could you let go of?

What could you begin?

Sometimes the answer will still be no.

There are real limitations in life. There are seasons when something truly isn't possible.

This isn't about pretending that every obstacle can be overcome with the right mindset.

It's about becoming curious before becoming defeated.

It's about giving yourself permission to look for possibilities instead of automatically closing the door.

Because I can't and I don't know how yet are two very different statements.

Purpose can begin here

We often talk about purpose as though it is something we are supposed to discover.

Some grand calling.

Some perfect career.

Some unmistakable path that suddenly makes everything make sense.

Maybe the purpose can be much quieter than that.

Maybe it begins with noticing what matters to you.

What brings you alive.

What you care deeply about.

What you keep coming back to.

What you wish you had more time for.

What problems you instinctively want to solve.

What experiences have shaped you.

What you desire, even if you haven't quite figured out what to do with that desire yet.

Maybe finding purpose isn't about looking farther and farther into the future.

Maybe it begins by paying closer attention to the life you are already living.

And that requires pause.

Pause. Notice. Choose.

This is the work I encourage my clients to practice.

Pause.

Step out of the momentum long enough to hear yourself.

Notice.

Pay attention to what is happening within you and around you. Notice the good. Notice the opportunities. Notice the patterns. Notice the desires. Notice the places where you've been saying I can't.

Choose.

Once you've noticed, you have something to work with.

You can decide what comes next.

And sometimes the choice is incredibly small.

But small doesn't mean insignificant.

A small choice made intentionally can change the direction of a day.

A day can change the direction of a season.

And a season can change the direction of a life.

You don't have to figure it all out

Maybe you don't know exactly what you want yet.

That's okay.

Maybe you have a desire but no plan.

That's okay too.

Maybe you know exactly what you want, but your life doesn't currently have room for the version of it you've imagined.

Start smaller.

Start where you are.

Start by noticing.

You don't need to have the entire path mapped out before taking the first step.

You simply need to create enough space to see that there might be a step available.

Because there is a space between I can't and I can.

And that space is where curiosity lives.

It's where possibility lives.

It's where intention lives.

It's where we begin to see our lives differently.

And perhaps that is what a mindful life really asks of us.

Not to have all the answers.

Not to do everything perfectly.

Not to constantly become more.

But to pause long enough to notice the life happening around us—and to remember that even in a busy, imperfect, beautifully complicated life...

there may be more “can” than we realized.